Tag Archives: emotional intelligence

Setting Boundaries

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Setting Boundaries with Frenemies

In every social circle, there are friends, acquaintances, and then, occasionally, frenemies. Frenemies, or those who present themselves as friends but act in ways that undermine you, can be challenging to navigate. Establishing boundaries with frenemies is crucial for maintaining mental and emotional well-being.

Here’s a comprehensive guide to help you set those boundaries effectively and protect your well-being.
First – Understand the Frenemy Dynamic

Frenemies can often be subtle in their undermining actions, making it tricky to identify and address their behavior. Common traits of frenemies include:

  • Gossiping: They may spread rumors or talk negatively about you behind your back.
  • Backhanded Compliments: Their compliments often come with an undercurrent of negativity
  • Inconsistency in Behavior: They may be supportive one moment and critical the next.
  • Competition: They seem to view your achievements as a threat rather than a cause for celebration.

Recognizing these patterns is the first step toward setting necessary boundaries.

Why Boundaries Are Important.

Boundaries are essential in any relationship to ensure mutual respect and understanding. With frenemies, boundaries help protect your self-esteem, mental health, and overall well-being. They prevent the frenemy from having undue influence over your emotions and actions.

6 Steps to Establish Boundaries

  1. Identify the Behaviors That Need Addressing: Be clear about what actions or behaviors from the frenemy are unacceptable to you. This clarity will help you communicate your boundaries effectively.
  2. Communicate Clearly and Assertively: When setting boundaries, use “I” statements to express your feelings without sounding accusatory. For example, “I feel uncomfortable when you make jokes at my expense,” instead of “You always insult me.”
  3. Limit Personal Information Sharing: Keep your conversations with frenemies surface-level. Avoid sharing sensitive or personal information that they could use against you.
  4. Set Limits on Interaction: Decide how much time and energy you want to invest in the relationship. It’s okay to decline invitations or distance yourself if interactions with the frenemy leave you feeling drained or upset.
  5. Be Consistent: Consistency is key to maintaining boundaries. If a frenemy crosses a line, address it every time it happens. This reinforces your boundaries and shows that you are serious about them.
  6. Seek Support from True Friends: Surround yourself with friends who genuinely support and uplift you. Their positive influence can help counterbalance any negativity from frenemies.

Strategies for Maintaining Boundaries

  • Practice Self-Care: Prioritize activities that boost your mental and emotional health. Exercise, hobbies, and relaxation can help you stay resilient against any negativity from frenemies.
  • Reevaluate the Relationship: Over time, assess whether maintaining a relationship with a frenemy is worth the effort. Sometimes, it’s healthier to let go of toxic relationships altogether.
  • Use Social Media Wisely: Be mindful of your interactions on social media. You can unfollow or mute a frenemy without fully severing ties, reducing their presence in your digital life.

Dealing with Reactions

Frenemies might resist or react negatively to your boundaries. They might try to guilt-trip you, manipulate situations, or increase their negative behavior. Stand firm and remember why you set those boundaries in the first place. If necessary, limit your contact further or seek advice from a trusted friend or counsellor. Better still, work on strengthening your own Emotional Intelligence so that you can construct effective boundaries.

Establishing and maintaining boundaries with frenemies is a proactive step toward safeguarding your emotional and mental well-being. By identifying problematic behaviors, communicating assertively, and being consistent, you can manage these challenging relationships more effectively. Remember, it’s okay to prioritize your happiness and peace of mind over maintaining a relationship that brings negativity into your life.

5 ways to act in an emotionally intelligent way when confronted with mean behaviour

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Dealing with mean behaviour can be challenging, but responding with emotional intelligence can help diffuse conflicts and maintain your composure. Here are five ways to act in an emotionally intelligent way when confronted with such behaviour:

  1. Stay Calm and Composed: Maintain your emotional balance by staying calm and composed in the face of mean behaviour. Take deep breaths and avoid reacting impulsively. This helps you think clearly and respond effectively without escalating the situation.
  2. Practice Empathy: Try to understand the underlying reasons behind the person’s behaviour. Often, people who act mean may be dealing with their own insecurities or personal issues. By empathizing with their situation, you can respond in a more compassionate and understanding manner.
  3. Set Boundaries: Firmly and respectfully establish your boundaries. Let the person know that their behaviour is not acceptable to you, and you expect to be treated with respect. Use “I” statements to express your feelings, such as “I feel hurt when you say/do this.”
  4. Use Active Listening: Listen actively to what the person is saying without interrupting. Show that you are genuinely interested in their perspective, even if you disagree. This can help de-escalate the situation and create an environment where they may be more open to constructive communication.
  5. Choose Your Battles Wisely: Not every mean comment or action requires a response. Sometimes, it’s best to ignore minor incidents and not give them the attention they seek. Focus your energy on addressing the more significant issues or conflicts that truly matter to you.

Remember that dealing with mean behaviour may require ongoing efforts, and it’s essential to prioritize your well-being and mental health. If the situation continues or escalates, consider seeking support from friends, family, or a professional counsellor who can provide guidance on how to handle it effectively.

A week of workshops

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It’s been a week of workshops! Three this week: the first being a continuation of a series of workshops covering Mental Health. This week we looked at what is recovery from a mental health issue and frameworks that can be used to help someone on their journey to recovery. We explored a range of resources that can be of use to people with lived experience of mental health issues and those caring for them.

The second workshop was an Art Therapy workshop – continuing the theme of growth as Spring is just around the corner.

Each participant was given an outline of the circles and we did a short, but deep meditation based on the significance of the circle in all cultures and traditions. It was really interesting to see the diversity of designs that the participants created, the colours used and the insights that they shared with each other at the end of the session.

The third workshop for the week was about Resilience. Using Emotional Intelligence frameworks we explored personal experiences of resilience and strategies to build the resilience “muscle”. We talked about the role of self care in building resilience and about being creative – such as creating a Gratitude Journal or Gratitude Jar.

 

Personal Power

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The ability of an individual to influence and control their own life, as well as the lives of others around them is a demonstration of personal power. A person who demonstrates this has a range of qualities and skills that contributes to the achievement of their goals, asserts their needs and boundaries without bullying tactics, makes effective decisions, and navigates relationships and social situations with confidence and skill.

Personal power is often based in a strong sense of self-awareness and self-confidence, as well as a willingness to take responsibility for one’s own thoughts, feelings, and actions. It can also involve the ability to communicate effectively, listen actively, and empathize with others, as well as the capacity to think creatively, solve problems, and adapt to changing circumstances.

Personal power can manifest in many different ways, depending on the individual and the situation. For example, it may involve the ability to inspire and motivate others, to negotiate effectively, to lead a team or organization, or to stand up for one’s beliefs and values in the face of opposition.

Ultimately, personal power is about recognizing and harnessing one’s own strengths and resources, as well as cultivating positive relationships with others, in order to achieve personal and professional success and fulfillment

Inspirational Leadership and Emotional Intelligence

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Inspirational leadership and Emotional Intelligence are two important concepts that are closely intertwined. Leaders who motivate and guide others towards a shared vision or goal are inspirational, while emotional intelligence refers to the ability to understand and manage one’s own emotions, as well as those of others.

Leaders who possess high emotional intelligence are better equipped to connect with their team members and inspire them to work towards a common purpose. In a recent series of sessions with a national company, I was privileged to work with a leadership group. We looked at how to communicate effectively, build trust and empathy, and create a positive work environment where people feel valued and supported.

Inspirational leaders with high emotional intelligence are also skilled at managing conflict and addressing issues that arise within their team. Learning Emotional Intelligence skills helps leaders at all levels to remain calm and level-headed in difficult situations. Ultimately this will help to de-escalate tensions by modelling emotionally intelligent responses within teams and find solutions that benefit everyone.

Integrity and Emotional Intelligence

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Integrity refers to the quality of being honest, upright, and having strong moral principles. It involves being truthful, ethical, and consistent in one’s actions, words, and beliefs, regardless of the situation. In essence, integrity is about doing the right thing, even when nobody is watching.

On the other hand, emotional intelligence (EQ) is the ability to perceive, understand, manage, and express emotions effectively – in the moment. Emotional Intelligence involves being aware of those emotions and being able to manage them effectively, as well as using those emotions to positively guide your thoughts and behaviours.

StrengthIntegrity and emotional intelligence are closely related in that they both involve an awareness of your values and principles. A person with high levels of emotional intelligence is likely to have a strong sense of integrity because they are more aware of their emotions and how their actions impact others. They are also better equipped to handle ethical dilemmas because they can understand the emotions involved and make decisions based on their values rather than their emotions.

In summary, integrity and emotional intelligence are important qualities that are essential for personal and professional success. Developing these qualities can help individuals build trust, foster healthy relationships, as well as being able to make sound decisions in alignment with their values and principles.

Leadership Coaching

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Coaching at balance4lifeWhat a great start to 2023! Feedback from last year’s Leadership Coaching for Women has been great and I’m looking forward to replicating the success with a small group for a company that operates nationally.

It may be my bias, but I prefer coaching to counseling as the focus is on the future and what you do want as opposed to what you don’t want. Combined with Emotional Intelligence strategies, this can make the workplace a much better place to be. Of course results will vary for each person – depending on whether they step up and embrace new ideas. My own experience of group coaching is that often a problem brought to the table by another attendee and the subsequent coaching by the facilitator is exactly what I needed to hear for my  own issues!

Art Therapy Workshops

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The past few months I have had the opportunity to be presenting lots of workshops, including Art Therapy workshops to a variety of organizations and audiences. The Art Therapy workshops have been face to face, whilst the Emotional Intelligence workshops have either been online or hybrid.

For participants in a group Art Therapy Workshop it can be challenging to know just how much to “share”. At each session I set the boundaries – what is said in the room, stays in the room  and only share if comfortable. Some of the activities are designed to encourage mindfulness.

One activity that springs to mind is “Going Dotty”.  This is a nod to the artistic works of Georges Seurat who created amazing masterpieces using pointillism. My own example of a sunflower shows how solid colour is not necessary to create an image. Taking the time to create it  kept me “in the moment” or mindful.

After it was finished I took some time on reflecting why I chose to create that image. It reminded me of the time I flew across the country  to have a last visit with my mother in hospital. During a break I went to the local shops and there were buckets of sunflowers. I bought a bunch, took it back to the hospital and used them as a focus for a meditation and Reiki session. Something shifted, as my mother recovered and we were able to have a conversation and another visit a year or so later.

Coping Strategies

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Coping strategies as we begin to return to more social contact and are vital in mental health recovery. Effective coping strategies empower you when you take note of and recognize what may trigger you in a crisis situation.  When you have access to these strategies, it will give you a sense of control over some part of your life that otherwise may seem out of control. Managing stress

For example, recognizing that stress is inevitable for everyone at some stage can help to normalize stressful situations. Furthermore, being aware of your response to stress and using more helpful options to manage that stress can help you move towards recovery. Good coping strategies lead to good Emotional Intelligence. Once you are aware of what stressors are most likely to trigger you, then you can start to work on your emotional response in an emotionally intelligent way.

In the workshops and sessions that I facilitate, clients are offered a variety of simple, yet effective strategies to help them cope with the ever changing landscape that we encounter as we navigate to our “new normal”.

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Heavens Above

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We all know about Mercury Retrogrades….. things like electrical equipment go awry with no explanation….. but have you heard of Mars Retrograde? – Retrograde means to appear to go backwards. I hadn’t considered how this may have implications to our daily lives until I started to do some reading about it. The reason a Mars Retrograde isn’t more commonly known is because it doesn’t happen as regularly as the Mercury one. For instance there isn’t one at all in 2021, which could be a good thing as I think we might just be over any astrological triggers for 2020.

I’m not an astrologer, but from the articles I’ve been reading we are just about to enter a period where Mars goes retrograde. September 9th 2020 to November 13th 2020. Rather than paraphrase the articles I have read, this one seems to be the most comprehensive and includes towards the end how it affects your sun sign and your ascendant.

Against the backdrop of the Stage 4 COVID lockdown extension, I thought that this is  an interesting time to be entering into.  Social media is running hot with a myriad of views and conspiracy theories and it seems that there is a “my way or the highway” attitude to having an opinion.

The article suggests that during this Mars retrograde,

“We might stew in anger at times, not finding a direct or straightforward channel for releasing it. This is a time for really getting in touch with what we’ve been accepting on the surface of things, but that has been building inside as emotional slush.”

There are many ways to get in touch with and deal with that “emotional slush” and I have found the combination of applying Emotional Intelligence coaching with hypnotherapy to get to the root cause is the most effective way.

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