Believe

A Balanced Life, Choice, Coaching, crossroads, , ,

We all have an innate desire to protect what we already have and our ego will go to great lengths to make sure that what drives us will make us look good and get it right.  One of our key drivers is to feel a sense of certainty in our lives and to feel significant.

For some, self doubt will creep in and for a few this may lead to feelings of hopelessness or helplessness fueled by a lack of choice. Yet others will demonstrate a great flexibility in their behaviour and choose to focus on what they want. The mind is a funny thing, it’s actually a great goal setting machine and it will take you to where ever you choose to go..

The reality is that we all have a choice on what we focus on and you need to develop a keen sense of knowing if you are getting what you really want.

Check in using various strategies – ask yourself if you can see, hear or feel if this is right for you.

Check your language – is it positive or negative?  The mind works in symbols and you can shift the way that you are thinking about you by creating a vision that is exciting and inspiring.

Make it a clear vision and start to take responsibility for your goals and aspirations. I’m sure you have heard the saying “life is not a dress rehearsal”. Take a moment to go within and set some goals to be the best you can be…. knowing that you have most of the resources that you need within you already!

Steps to take:

  • Be clear about the outcome.
  • Take action
  • Be aware if what you are doing is working
  • Be willing to be flexible if necessary
  • Believe…..trust your unconscious mind as it will always tell you what it needs…. are you listening to it?

5 Steps to Overcoming the Challenges To A Balanced Life

A Balanced Life, , ,

What is a balanced life?
Can we ever achieve it?

A wise man said to me just recently that a completely balanced life is impossible to achieve, but I believe that we can take steps to make sure that it not completely unbalanced.

A very useful exercise is the “Wheel of Life” where you look at specific areas of your life and rate them accordingly. It is improbable if you joined the numbers on this wheel that you would see a perfectly balanced circle, although it is my belief that if you are aware of deficits, you can do something about improving that area. However one should also consider that balance consists of bringing the head and the heart into alignment.

The biggest challenge for many people is being present. One way to be present is to cut back on extra responsibilities and focus on what is really important to you. Look at your routines and prioritise. Eliminate or minimise what is not that important.

The next challenge is taking care of your body. Got a cold or flu? Then don’t “soldier on” as the ad says. Give yourself some down time or “me time” and consider if you continue to go to work whilst unwell, your presence may be compromising someone else’s health if they have an at risk immune system. Review your diet and lifestyle and choose not to eat highly processed foods and if you have the funds, book yourself in for a regular massage or Reiki to ease any tension stored in the body.

What’s your passion – your heart’s desire? Creativity will help you bring your life back into balance and studies show that regular meditation can increase your creativity whilst at the same time decreasing your stress response.

Another important element to consider in balancing your life is Patience. Life can get busy, there are the demands of work, home children…. the daily commute….

My Reiki practice includes the daily reflection on the precepts…

Just for today, refrain from worry – accept.
Just for today, refrain from anger – accept.
Honour your parents, teachers and elders.
Count your blessings.
Earn your living honestly.
Show gratitude to every living thing.
Mikao Usui

At times it seems like life is getting overly complicated and what may seem like a counter intuitive strategy, Simplicity is the key to getting back into some semblance of balance. Take a moment, 15 minutes would be ideal, to audit your work, relationships, diet and whatever else seems to be out of kilter.

Could you teach someone else how to manage these areas in a simple way?

For example, do you follow a difficult and time consuming diet/eating plan?

Look at whether you are consuming foods or eating at irregular times that contribute to increased stress levels and weakening your immune system.

Realistically, a work/life balance will fluctuate. There will be ebb and flow in various areas of your life and what works for you in bringing back some balance won’t necessarily work for others, but ultimately to create more balance in your life, you need to go within and reflect upon how much responsibility you will take to overcome these challenges.

Mapping your Journey

Choice, ,

Regardless of whether you use a GPS or a paper map, it is always interesting to review past journeys and to peruse which route to take for future ones.

Looking at where you have been, are there any milestones or waypoints that stand out?

Did the trip go as planned or did you have to be flexible and overcome uncertainty to end up where you are now?

Yet, you may have felt a sense of excitement when you discovered a road that led you to some spectacular scenery or a chance meeting with someone. Many of us have discovered that the GPS is not infallible and it has resulted in some interesting dead ends. There is an element of risk when using the GPS in unfamiliar surroundings and having a paper map tucked away somewhere will help you navigate in the face of uncertainty if that is what you are seeking.

What would happen if you relied entirely on the GPS or map?

How would it be if you got back to your internal compass and found that this gave you increased choices?

I remember a quote in a training many years ago that resonated with me…. “ Don’t wish life was easier, wish it was better.”

Thinking Differently

dreaming, lifestyle, Retreat, ,

Not everyone is traveling the same path… that would be quite boring, not to mention crowded. Quite some time ago I decided to take a different path to what was expected of me and I’m still traveling.

Let’s celebrate those who embrace thinking differently. Recently I came across an interesting topic on the Law of Diffusion of Innovation.

It was exciting to discover that just 2% of the population are likely to be innovators. These people are more likely to be risk takers and have a mindset that sees failure as a setback. 13% of the population are inclined to be early adopters of the innovations, and then we start to see the bell curve form with 34% on each side of the peak as an early majority/cynical majority with the remaining 16% suspicious about the innovations and the inventors.

Martin Luther King told us about what he believed and gave us the famous quote “I have a dream”….it wasn’t a plan worked out to the nth degree, but more of a vision.  Over 250,000 people turned up to listen to him on that day and those words still inspire many thousands more some 54 years later. Another example of a dream is the Wright brothers who were driven by their belief that they could fly way back in 1903.

I hold the belief that the therapies that I offer and teach are part of a much greater picture. Not everyone will share that same belief, and that I accept that. The mind body balance is something that is starting to be explored in more detail by the scientific community and I’m grateful for that.  Recently I revisited an old vision book from 2009 and was pleasantly surprised to read that my vision is still pretty much the same.

At the top of one page I had written  “Vision – Life of no regret….Not a dress rehearsal…. Make it the best it can be” and underneath was  “To create a retreat centre for therapists and teachers to recover from nervous/mental exhaustion.”
Certainly there are a few more steps to take in fulfilling that vision and the big one will be building a suitable place for people to stay, but I feel sure that with continued belief the universe will provide the means for this to happen.

Overcoming Issues

clarity, crossroads, ,

We all have issues… some big, some small and it is our response that determines the outcome.

Do you have a default behaviour that you return to when an issue pops its head up and confronts you?

Do you face it head on and resolve to create a positive outcome?

Do you react in ways that make you or others around you uncomfortable?

What is the risk to you if you continue to respond this way?

A client recently wanted to discuss how to handle an issue with a person that he has known for some 30 plus years. Never really close, he became aware that this person was “giving off negative vibes” but didn’t know why.

The issue came to a head recently when he was walking into a garden centre and walking straight towards him was this person. He smiled and went to say “hello”, whereupon the other person turned their head and walked off in a different direction. The client described how he felt his insides turn and he felt like a small child at school again. He described how one part of him wanted to pursue the person and confront him, yet another part of him just wanted to cry as he felt abandoned.

I handed him a poem that I have found useful to refer to over the years :

Reason, Season, Lifetime

People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. When you figure out which one it is, you will know what to do for each person.

When someone is in your life for a REASON,
it is usually to meet a need you have expressed.
They have come to assist you through a difficulty;
to provide you with guidance and support;
to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually.
They may seem like a godsend, and they are.
They are there for the reason you need them to be.

Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time,
this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.
Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away.
Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.
What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done.
The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.

Some people come into your life for a SEASON,
because your turn has come to share, grow or learn.
They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.
They may teach you something you have never done.
They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.
Believe it. It is real. But only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons;
things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation.
Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person,
and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.
It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.

Thank you for being a part of my life,
whether you were a reason, a season or a lifetime.

 Brian Andrew  Chalker

After several sessions, he came to the conclusion that any previous friendship was fractured beyond repair and decided that he would let it go. He had extended the hand of friendship and reconciliation several times over the last few years, but was being rebuffed each time …. Each time he experienced an internal response of a profound sense of rejection. He was no longer comfortable with feeling this way and wanted to change how he reacted yet  was saddened that they had not been able to communicate with each other to resolve any problems in earlier times. In the hypnotic state, the client then expressed gratitude to his friend for having been in his life for a season and asked for forgiveness for any hurts that he may have unintentionally caused.

After that session he said that he had realized it was almost like picking at a scab …..the wound opens up again, the skin weeps a bit and a new scab is formed, but if you do this too often the skin hardens up and a scar is made.

 

Letters I’ve written

balance, Choice, clarity, ,

Or should that be posts that I’ve written…. never meaning to send………
.. with apologies to the Moody Blues. This song came out way back, I had just moved to Melbourne for the first time (& yes, for a boy…maybe one day I will write about that).
Whenever I can catch some spare time from the clinic – usually when a client has rescheduled – I make an effort to sit down and write a few blog posts that I can post at a later date.

It’s interesting as I peruse the entries that I thought were pertinent….. so many of them no longer hold any meaning and don’t get posted. This document is like a journal, partly relating to my business persona and partly relating to events in my personal life. So often it is the writing down that leads to the catharsis and I believe it is important to leave some time and space before posting.
Just recently I’ve gone to post the next entry and hesitated…. I haven’t deleted the entry, because it was relevant at that time, but time and space has given me the wisdom to take into account whether it was a whinge or helpful to someone else.

“Beauty I’d always missed
With these eyes before,
Just what the truth is
I can’t say anymore.”

The beauty of doing this is that it is a reflection of my emotions at the time. Re-reading at a later date allows me to calibrate and look within to see if I have reacted to the situation or have applied the emotional intelligence techniques I seek to help others with.
Am I wise? Am I telling the truth?
We each have our own truth and expressing it to others may not be palatable to the recipient.

I have someone in my life who has written many letters, most probably on the advice of their therapist, and sent them….resulting in hurt and fracturing relationships. My advice is if you are to write these letters, do so and then burn them…..symbolically releasing the energy contained within to the Universe and thus letting go and letting a higher power (insert whichever deity you believe in here) take care of it for you. There have been several occasions recently when I have held my breath, waiting for a letter from this person after things didn’t go as they had planned. To tell the truth, I was a little disappointed that I didn’t get one as I was looking forward to composing a reply and thus stepping out of Emotional Intelligence.

There are other times where I may write about a something that was profound and on looking back at that moment realizing that I captured a moment of beauty….of realization ….that has led to an insight that I missed at the moment of writing. Like a sunrise or sunset, nothing stays the same…. Change is inevitable and these transitions can create amazing shifts in our consciousness. It’s all about letting go…..

Simplicity

Spirituality

As an adult sometimes it is difficult to see the funny side of life and it takes the innocence of a child to lighten us up. Recently I attended the interment of the ashes of someone close – not a happy occasion at the best of times, but there was laughter and amusement.

It has been said that “laughter is love” and that was certainly evident as a small group of people gathered to pay their final respects.

Yes, there was sadness, but there was the delight of children as they released balloons to symbolize the letting go which was a pleasure to witness and certainly lightened my heart. Their involvement in the proceedings was simple and it was delightful to observe their pleasure in participating.

The universe also cooperated with a fairly spectacular sunset which I felt made the proceedings a little spiritual. The view from the graveside was peaceful and whilst other attendees were grieving in their own ways, I felt some sadness, yet I was quite at peace and was able to go with the flow of energy from the environment.

Often the simplicity of children is overlooked and they can be remarkably straightforward. Uncluttered by emotional baggage, not making mountains out of molehills observing children in a situation such as this gives much food for thought.

What if we could easily set that baggage down and simplify our lives….leaving the clutter of the past behind?

Sadness

clarity

It was an odd Monday afternoon a while back.

The weather was about to change from hot to a thunderstorm and I had just had a conversation with an old (long time) friend when I was suddenly overcome by a wave of sadness.

It was similar to a feeling experienced when I was walking the labyrinth one Sunday morning – the sadness coming like a roller coaster wave that dumps you in the sand. On returning home to the city we discovered that the aging cat had died in her basket. She was still a little warm, so she must have crossed that rainbow bridge around the time that I felt that sadness a few hours previously.

I couldn’t shake the feeling that someone I knew had died, but refrained from voicing my concern as I am still familiarizing myself with intuitive feelings and didn’t want to alarm anyone.

Then on the Tuesday afternoon the news came through. An acquaintance in another state had passed away over the weekend and the feeling of sadness suddenly made sense.

As I finally spend more time on a regular meditation practice and teaching more Reiki, I find that I am more “in tune” with events and emotions around me.

Boundaries

labyrinth,

A recent workshop that I had the pleasure to deliver was about Boundaries – Personal and Professional. 30 people were booked to attend and a fraction of that actually attended, which I found interesting given the topic.

The attendees and I mused that it may be fear of missing out on something better or because it was free of charge to them and they didn’t value what the presentation might give them. (I got paid to present regardless of how many turned up) Those who did turn up were volunteers and prospective volunteers and from all walks of life. As someone who volunteers on a regular basis, I feel it is important to recognize and set boundaries, as volunteer “burnout” is all too common.

I’m not going to bore you with the actual presentation that I prepared, but one thing that I felt was an important message to get across, was to recognize WHY one becomes a volunteer and WHO is benefiting from the volunteering.

Is it therapeutic to the volunteer or the client?

By asking these questions of yourself,  you can then start to identify where your boundaries start.

I’m a visual learner so I created a graphic to help me to look at the different elements to consider. Discussion led on to Cultural boundaries and making sure we learn about cultures we work with so as to be respectful in our interaction and how boundaries can become blurred. Too often we read in the newspaper about a therapist or carer who has crossed the professional boundaries with a client.

As a volunteer you can be friendly with a client, but establishing a friendship is quite a different thing and may well cross professional boundaries that should be in place. This not only applies to the volunteer/client relationship but should be considered in peer to peer relationships in any workplace.

There is often over disclosure of personal information within the workplace.

It is far better to find a trusted person, usually a counselor to disclose to if there is a problem.

The organization should have systems and protocols in place that educate employees and volunteers about personal, cultural and social expectations and boundaries. Ideally there should be a structure in place for the volunteers to “download” or supervision process, so that they don’t burn out emotionally.

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Mindful May

Meditation, , , , ,

With the new month just days away and it being promoted as Mindful May,  I was very mindful myself (pardon the pun) to finally complete my online meditation course.

It was started sometime ago, but somehow most of the audio that I recorded for it disappeared into the ether when updating some software.

The next hurdle to overcome was Mercury in Retrograde, noted for issues with electronics and the like……  I couldn’t get rid of the noise of the computer fan that ran in the background. Eventually I found an app that I could use with an iPad and completed the last of the recordings just in time to get the course up and running for May.

If you have never meditated before and are not sure how to or what sort of meditation suits you, then this introduction to meditation will help you work that out.

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