Sorting through my home office desk, I found a small purple box of treasure…

Treasures from Tikashi – cards from the days before large oracle cards became popular.

The card I drew today, was “Stillness”.

Take time to be still to appreciate the beauty in every moment. Quiet your busy mind and allow the still softness of peace to envelop you.

Do not rush into anything, but sit meditatively – and in this stillness your answers may be found.

To attain what has eluded you, be still and allow it to land upon you. As a feather would gently float into your hand, so do your wishes descend upon you.

 

I thought this rather appropriate for this time of year…..

…that’s what was going through my mind as Day 5 of the Energy year began and I stepped up the pace on the zen-chi machine. Observing how my body has been responding is interesting – the left side is becoming more flexible and still the right ankle remains stiff and sore. The increased speed also had an effect on my lower sacrum & I very carefully did some lower back exercises before getting up off the floor. I broke my coccyx around this time of year – about 5 years ago, mucking around in the pool and landing on the pool steps. Ouch!! Looking up Louise Hay’s explanation for lower back problems “fear of money. Lack of financial support” came up. Hmmm!! So my new thought pattern is to be “Trust the process of life. All I need is always taken care of. I am safe” as I let go of the constriction in the body and restrictions in the mind.
Amazing how events unfold. On the way into work & listening to a podcast from Manifesting Wellness all about Network Chiropractic, there was information about theenergy link between emotions, endocrine system & the spinal system. So much made sense – and to think that I see a naturopath in the same clinic as a network chiropractor …… as they say… when the student is ready……!! Something to explore

Ancient astrologers not only noted the planetary periods of the days and months, but recognised that there were planetary influences as we age.
The Moon influences the first seven years of life, with the child absorbing nutrients from the physical, emotional and spiritual worlds.The mothering influence of the Moon works on the etheric of the developing child and together with the parental influences, loves and nurtures the soul.

Mercury begins to influence the child from the time of losing the “milk teeth” to puberty. The planet of the mind, it governs thought, learning and the beginning of reason. Innate curiousity about the outer world is awakened and the imagination is developed. A quiet discipline to direct the child and good role models are needed as the child of this age is good at imitating adult behaviours.
Venus rules the teenager, from about the age of 15 through to 22. The emotions and reproductive development collide with the pressures of school and study and there is often an internal conflict as they learn to cope with these demands. Venus is the planet of love & beauty, but the opposite traits of laziness and overindulgence can lurk beneath the exterior, manifesting in rebellion and confusion if not supported. Emotions run high, sexual awareness develops and nurturing the spirit to build the solar body needs careful and thoughtful consideration.
From the age of 22 to 41, the individual enters into the age of the Sun, having fully incarnated into their soul. The Sun, astrologically associated with the 5th House, means that the search for life partners and creating a home of one’s own becomes a priority. Responsibility, duty and contribution become part of the way in which life is lived.
Mars – the opposite planet to Venus –  rules the years from 42 to 56. Here many experience major life changes and for women, the “change of life” or menopause also occurs. Generally the children have grown up and there is more freedom for the parent than before. Previous life ambitions may be re-visited and new careers forged. Other changes that occur are the passing of parents or relatives and the immortality of youth fades. The body may start to show signs of “wear and tear” and a meditation practice is beneficial.
Jupiter rules the next, sixth stage of our lives – from 57 to 68 years of age. Jupiter is a time of change in the soul as well as the body and a greater spirituality awakens as we become more familiar with the transience of life and the vagaries of the aging body.
Saturn rules the final stage – old age- from 69 to whenever we die. After many years of hard work, caring for children or elderly relatives, this period can be a period of serenity. Saturn is the bridge between worlds and focusing on the mind in the heart will enable us to cross into the spirit world with greater ease when the time is right. For some, living to a very old age, this time can be difficult, a time of endurance and faith can be tested.

Subtitled: How to conquer your fears and go anyway
A weekend away was planned many months ago and before my recent surgery. The 6 week checkup was brought forward to 5 weeks to get the “all clear” to go away, but a minor spanner in the works with the cardiologist leaving the practice. The next available appointment with a similar specialist is mid October.

Time for a new mindset.
I must be OK because the medico’s don’t need to see me.

Camper hooked up, we headed off. No trip away in this camper without some rain and we had some light showers whilst driving.
A full day driving and the Nissan was not running so well. No oomph at all to climb those hills. Running out of puff….. could have lots of fun with the metaphysics of this.

Big lunch at Dadswells Bridge – where the “Big Koala” is and quite different to see the surrounding countryside in varying shades of green and yellows – these being alternately from the wattles and the canola crops.
Most of our trips through this area have been earlier in the year and before the drought broke and the flooding took place.
Turning off the main road to take a road less travelled we came across Mt Arapiles – quite spectactular. Mitre Rock nearby was also fascinating and gave us something to focus on as we drove toward it.

Junk food for dinner at Murray Bridge and heading out to the campsite in the dark. Obviously the Roo Whistle that we have mounted on the front of the Nissan works well as we didn’t see any bouncing about in the headlights at all!
We were welcomed at Saunders Gorge Sanctuary  by Rob of Red Earth Expeditions who organized the weekend and the braking classes for people with their new Ultimates or XTracks. They were all cozy around a large campfire and we were directed to a camping site a little down the track where we proceeded to set up in the dark.

What a spectacular view in the morning. And the bird song! Started well before dawn, raucous kookaburras and then all types of cockatoos & galahs as well as the quieter, more melodious song of the finches and other smaller birds. Stepping out of the camper, the first thing to feast the eyes upon was an ancient tree.
Judging by the size of the trunk, at least 300 or more years old and the energy of its presence was just what I was looking for. On the other side of the camping area that we had set up in, another tall tree with a hive of bees in it.

A quiet morning and we stayed around the campfire and re-started it to bake some scones in the camp oven whilst the others played with their campers and braking. Oven hot, mix made (from a packet) and scones cooked in no time at all – only to find that the flour or the shortening in the mix had gone rancid and whilst they looked yummy, the scones tasted dreadful! They were quickly returned as fuel for the fire – looking almost like those heat beads as the fire consumed them with gusto. The evening dinner was cooked up at the restaurant and we returned to the fire for more socializing and stories.
Sunday saw a trip in convoy around the property. A feature of which was a long stretch of hand made stone wall, which had been constructed in the 19th Century by Scottish labourers at the cost of one pound per chain. They also brought another reminder of their homeland – the thistle.

With the number of vehicles in the group and the steepness of the terrain in places, progress was slow but steady and we returned to the campsite sometime after 2pm, whereupon most packed up their campers and left for various destinations. We took another road less travelled and headed east out through Pinnaroo and beyond, stopping overnight at Murrayville which is not on the Murray River at all. More driving the following day through canola fields – some with large holes in the swathe of flowers – due to the recent mouse plagues, where the rodents had eaten the seed after sowing.
On return to Melbourne, the power problem with the Nissan had not improved at all. This ruled out any fuel problem as we had completely re-fueled by this stage. Bit awkward when fully laden semi trailers can pass you on the climb up the hills outside Bendigo. Duly booked in for a checkup, the problem was found – a broken wire to the turbo. Guess this vehicle is going to be remembered for which wires broke on which trip. (Broken wire in the firewall to the MAF on the way back from Broken Hill) & lost count of the times the tail light wires have broken on various desert trips! Interesting parallel to think about broken electrics, given my own health issue!

A dear friend is hopefully gently slipping away tonight, having had a battle with that insiduous disease – Parkinsons – and several other traumas on the way.
Strong of will and clear of mind, even after the disease and the drugs had deformed that once impeccably dressed and fit body, she simply has had enough. An infection last week which has travelled to her lungs will be recorded as having contributed to her decline. A few of us were gathered by her bedside in hospital today as she slipped in and out of awareness. She still battles with her will to either stay or go, the pain and anxiety relieved by powerful analgesics. Given the dignity of a quiet room with a window, the bed was turned so she could have the winter sunlight on her face.  Instructions given for no further interventions.
Messages quietly sent to friends alerting them of the situation and still we sat. Bitter sweet moments as we know that death will be a release and hope that it comes gently to her in her sleep.
Returning home and waiting for the inevitable message to come through.  Her best friend stays and will sleep again in the chair next to her bed so that she is not alone.

January saw the Tasmanian Adventure (which I only just posted) and this month a different kind of adventure….
an unfolding of events, so as to speak.
Back from Tasmania just as the school year started and not back at school which was a good and comfortable feeling.
Overall the last place was good, but time to follow my passion.
Like the advert for the Northern Territory says, ” You’ll never never know, if you never never go….”

So off to be a full time Hypnotherapist and consultant.
Day 1 and into the office with clients. Felt great.
I did have to deal with the mirror that had fallen off the wall in my absence, but all OK as it wasn’t broken. Last time it fell down, it nearly came down on a friend’s head – time for it to retire.

The first week back was busy, picking up on juggling time in at the office and taking my aged father to medical appointments and tests. That’s what baby boomers do…..In the evenings I listened and took frantic notes from the webinars I had signed up for, blogged and planned a marketing campaign and fitted in a quick trip to Queenscliffe to pick up my new lenses.
Chinese New Year arrived & I briefly contemplated holding a celebration, but too much… jet lagged. That’s how I felt, curious because the flight from Tassie only takes an hour. Frustrated because I wasn’t seeing so well and couldn’t read the paper. Made some time for meditation and spent the Sunday on the couch dozing on and off after having been unwell overnight.

Post trip tiredness….. need a holiday after the holiday, I thought!
The new week began with a whirl of activities, more Doctor appointments for Dad, clients (Yay!), networking (20 minute talk for the next week) and usual family stuff (cooking, shopping, diabetic dog and mad cat). Thank goodness we had the cleaners still coming on Thursday!
I attended to my marketing campaign, printing the letters and envelopes at home, then a quick trip to T2 to get some nice teabags to staple to the letters for an added impact and down to the office to get the postcards to insert into the envelopes.

All of a sudden the day went a bit awry. Pear shaped….

Palpitations!
No, not swooning over a handsome man.
I was driving & alone.
Mental note – “go away, I’m not stressed, all is good”.
Hmmm!
Putting in the alarm code and things went a bit black. Sat down in my room and decided to give the Hypno Lounge chair a bit of a try out. Sip of water, deep breath and start to go into trance to calm down and slow the heart rate.
Listen to some trance music to help with process and noted the palpitations had now gone on for about 10 minutes.
This was not fun.
Calm…. think calm.
Not anything to worry about……

Check the symptoms.

• pressure in the chest      Well of course there was pressure, I’d just had a racing heart for 10 minutes!
• breathlessness               ditto
• sore shoulders
• pain in the jaw              “are you sure you’re not imagining these?……..just relax for a little longer…..”
• cold and clammy          “oops, maybe something really is not quite right.”

All the time thinking that I might be imagining the symptoms, because after all, they are on the fridge at home because I worry about other family members.
Time to listen to another motivational podcast or was it one of the Hypnocaster ones… I really don’t remember.
I do remember thinking about my friend who was going to have her spleen removed and wondering if this was the time she was being operated on and another couple of friends that have had heart problems.
Obviously the trance music and relaxation was working, because I was feeling really kind of spacey.
After an hour and a bit and still a bit shaky, I felt it was time to get moving.
I finished doing the envelopes and realized that I didn’t have enough stamps, so headed off to the Post Office on the way home.
By now, I was really in a ditzy frame of mind and the woman behind the counter asked if I was OK and suggested that I call my doctor when I said I felt a little weird.
Not one to usually take other peoples suggestions quite so readily, I did call the surgery when I got back in the car. Damm! Regular doctor had gone home and no appointments left.

Then I admitted it…..”I’ve got chest pain…” –
“Come straight up”.

Straight down to the nurses room and sat there like a stunned mullet for a little while.
“Is your Dad here?”
No.
“are you OK?”
No.
Hooked up to the ECG, glass of water with aspirin and the ambulance on the way.
Difficult call to make to home…… difficult to see the buttons on the phone & dial……

“Um,  can you come up to the doctor’s to pick up the car, because I’m going to hospital in the ambulance…” This sounds insane……I’m totally disassociated with the events unfolding….. an interested observer…..

Then the family is there, the ambulance is there, and I’ve got a canula in my hand, a patch on my chest, leads everywhere and a machine that goes “ping” every so often.
We were about to head off to one place, then there was a little blip and we headed off in the other direction to the local major hospital. Peak hour traffic, but I don’t care as I’ve been given something for the pressure on the chest. It feels like I’ve fallen off the motorbike, but without the bruises everywhere else….. just winded big time.
The morphine has kicked in and I’m really quite chatty with the ambulance officers (lovely ladies) and the nurses in Emergency. Then they take blood and hook me up to more machines. We have to wait for the blood results to come back before I can go home.
Eventually, a surprised look on his face, the doctor comes in and says
“You’ve had a heart attack…..”
– the blood pressure shoots up immediately and I realize that I’m not surprised.
My husband’s face registers shock…..
They decide to admit me to the CCU but the pain has to go first. I fib a little and say it’s gone because it’s really late and want to get some sleep. We say our goodbyes and I head up to the ward and he goes home.
Next blood test is good. Levels have dropped, but still pressure and nausea & I end up vomiting. This is not good.
The next day an angiogram is scheduled and nearly doesn’t happen because it is so late in the day by the time I get down to the lab. That would have meant staying in for the weekend and getting done on Monday. After a long wait down near the Cath Lab, it’s all systems go.
Results are good. No disease. No clots. Just an electrical malfunction that may or may not happen again.
My best friend Peter comes in to visit. The cardiologist thinks he is my husband and we joke about having breakfast together.
Eyes pop on the other side of the ward!!
I even leave with him – it was OK to go home and so I did.

Just over a week has gone by since coming home and I have been touched by the support of those friends who have been in contact. Some of my newer friends have said some lovely things and offered support that I never expected.
So for those wonderful people who have helped or offered to, I am learning to say “yes” to your offers and to say “no” to doing other things that no longer serve me well.I might leave the reactions or lack thereof of, of various people to a different essay, when I don’t feel so fragile.
Please be patient with me, I am learning a new way of feeling, seeing, listening, thinking and doing.
I’m learning to move on from old relationships and fairweather friendships, even though there is sadness in that. I’m celebrating feeling.
Here’s a link to an oldie but good one…..
A little help from my friends
for those I love.

It really is all in the mind! It’s about how the mind can be used to change how you feel or react to a situation. Let me explain.
I’m a Baby Boomer. Nothing special about that really.
I am a statistical average.
Female, married, adult children at home, professional with university education, aging parent…….
Aaahh! the aging parent –  having parented the children, now it’s time to parent the parent, so as to speak. I’m not complaining as we have a much better relationship now than when it was the other way around, but as the eldest child and the daughter, it is now up to me to provide the support as the body begins to fail and the medical merry go round starts.
Fortunately I have some fantastic tools to work with.
By consciously focusing on maintaining a positive body posture, then not only do I maintain a positive physiology, but my mind set is more positive. I can also see and hear those around me reacting in a positive manner as well. I am constantly calibrating, checking in to make sure that I have a ready, genuine smile, that I am relaxing my neck and shoulders.
I have learned to be present in the situation for my aging parent as the doctor delivers the words “…..cancer…..” and listening as he presents the options, so as to be of service to the parent later. And to reassure and be there for Dad and to take him to the next appointment and listen in again, as with age comes deafness.

I have learned that by maintaining the positive physiology in waiting rooms acts as a calming effect for an anxious & fiercely independent parent, who does not want to end up in a nursing home bed like the love of his life with whom he sat with every day for 5 years as she slipped into dementia and then death.
In amongst all of this, I am being taught some amazing philosophical lessons on living and dying by my 89 year old parent.
We have discussed death and dying in a matter of fact way.  He is remarkably pragmatic about it all and has clearly stated to his medical practitioner about his wishes not to have agressive interventions.
While he sits in the medical centre waiting area, he makes out his shopping list for the next week, confounded this week with the option of stocking up on food because some things might become scarce or more expensive because of the flooding or keeping things to a minimum because he doesn’t want to have too much in the pantry!
A friend commented that I seemed to be very detached from all of the goings on and it may appear that way. I am finding that the constant checking in on the body and what language I am using around the  events of each day is actually relieving the stress, rather than creating it.  I have a Tony Robbins book in the car to take into all the waiting rooms to read, so I have extra help in maintaining a positive outlook and physiology.

The last couple of days have been spent reflecting on how the year has gone, the friendships made and those put aside, achievements and disappointments and cleaning the house in preparation for the New Year.
For most of the year, it was a continuation of the year without alcohol. This stretched out to 14 months before I actually had a drink & when I did, I felt so wretched the next day that I decided I would be better off avoiding it again. Of course, just to make sure, I did have another drink or two or more before going back to the alcohol free life! Being alcohol free has challenged others more than me at times. There were times that I felt like I could have had a drink, but I resisted.
The year started with some confusion as acknowledgement of a teaching position didn’t come through officially, but when I phoned the school, I was assured that I was to start at the end of January. Disappointment followed upon finding out that I was to be paid at graduate level as I had not worked in the State Education system. Negotiations continued in the first week as the contract had not been drawn up and eventually I was offered a rate above graduate, but not commensurate with my years of experience. Still, an opportunity to teach in a small school and to put aside some money to continue my education and to pay the rent on my rooms.

Easter came and we made the trek to Heathcote, looking forward to playing in the labyrinths. The weather was great, yet I didn’t do any work on the labyrinths this year, except for a small tidy up. One of the other campers was in an unresourceful state, so after long deliberation, we have decided not to return in 2011- which will break a 20+ year tradition – we will do something different!

In June we headed off to Cape York. I had an uneasy feeling about it before leaving, yet nothing happened on the Cape York part of the trip! It was on the homeward leg from Birdsville to Innaminka that got tricky and took 5 and a bit hours to do about 100km.

Back in Melbourne and a week of NLP. Love it! Goes so well with the Hypnotherapy. Most weeknight evenings were spent online listening to lectures for the Cert 4 of Business & Diploma that I have undertaken. So much information, some challenging and taking up the challenge has been a journey.
New friends through new ventures and a wardrobe restyle for a new look. So much has changed this year. There is the saying “Change your mind, change your life” and this has been so true. The time came to make a decision about teaching and in a way that was made for me, when a child struck out at me and then picked up his chair and came at me. Neither he nor I wanted to be at school at that time and place. Days later my back gave out and I couldn’t walk for a week. The gift was being able to meet with some amazing people and teach some incredible children in that time and have positive memories to take with me.

One door closes and another opens. I’m taking a tiny peek through the door to 2011and loving the feeling of excitement that I’m getting……..