Category Archives: family

Change

conversation, family, friendship, gratitude, healing, labyrinth, letting go, ,

“Bamboo is flexible, bending with the wind but never breaking, capable of adapting to any circumstance. It suggests resilience, meaning that we have the ability to bounce back even from the most difficult times. . . Your ability to thrive depends, in the end, on your attitude to your life circumstances. Take everything in stride with grace, putting forth energy when it is needed, yet always staying calm inwardly.”  Ping Fu

Another word for change is transformation. There needs to be a certain amount of flexibility when making a change because if you hold on to something too rigidly, either it or you may break.

Sometimes change is forced upon us…..loss of a family member, redundancy or ill health and you need to call upon your reserves of resilience, be tenacious and hold on without being stubborn or inflexible.

There is room at these times for both sadness and laughter.  Allowing yourself to be in the moment and recognising ……and naming…..what emotion you are feeling, certainly helps. When the challenges occur, they are often pathways or stepping stones not only for your own healing but for those of others.

labryinth in green and blueRecently as my father in law was making his transition, I took some time out to do the shopping. About to return home, a friend in a similar circumstance called. Still in the car park, we had a long conversation about death, dying, unsaid conversations with loved ones and supporting those who are left behind. It was a hot summer evening and I had the window down. So totally involved in the conversation, I hadn’t noticed until it finished that there was another car next to me also with the window down. As I started the engine and glanced over, I observed the woman in it sobbing, tears running down her face.  I realized that she had listened to the whole, emotionally raw conversation and that it had touched hlabyrinth painting in red and orangeer as well.

In the days following there was the funeral – tears, sadness and yes, laughter. This was a who lived his life fully. Friends rallied around the family and there was laughter at shared memories. Grief is expressed in many ways and being non judgmental, opens a space within you for growth and change. Times like this give you a different perspective.  The same event is perceived quite differently by each participant. With this in mind there is the  opportunity to slow down, meditate and learn to trust yourself and thus transform.

Like walking the labyrinth, you enter into it and find yourself firstly traveling in one direction and then another. Tantalizingly, you approach what might be that peaceful space in the centre, then move away again. Mindful of the steps that you take, there is a slowing down as the centre is reached and you can rest awhile.

Here is the space and time to have the courage to face your inner conflicts, the grief, the burdens and set them down or offer them up gently and peacefully to the universe/angels or whatever deity you believe in.  Spend as much time here in the centre as you need and then begin to walk the pathway out. You can’t get lost, there is only the one path and you might begin to notice that your step is a little lighter. Allow yourself to feel any emotions, again take note and name them – are they the same as before? Is what is coming up for you negative or positive? What are the triggers? Are you able to clearly communicate your thoughts and feelings to someone who will listen? Be in the moment and breathe……

 

Releasing

family, Insights, lessons learned, letting go, release, teaching, Unconditional Love
On Wednesday the 18th, Ben was euthanized.
It was around this time 14 years ago that we acquired a bundle of blonde energy.
Ben used to scoot through the cat door until he got too big, then he just put his head through as if to say ” how come this shrunk?”
Lots of happy memories, lots of tears as we took him down to the vet. The kids & I held him as he went, a last big sigh as his soul left and his big strong heart continued to beat for another moment or so….
As the vet said, Ben was a well loved dog, but the time had come with his diabetes, the blindness and arthritis to let him go. Releasing him was always going to be difficult.
I don’t think a labrador ever loses its appetite, and Ben looked forward to meal times each day and let us know when he was hungry.
He also used to let me know if I had forgotten his insulin – as his main form of communication in the past few months was to bark and wait for a response.
Home for the last 3 and a half weeks due to an adverse reaction to a whooping cough vaccination, Ben spent as much time as he could sitting either on my feet or as close as possible.
An exchange of energy perhaps, as Ben was the subject that I practiced on when I became a Reiki Master Teacher.  After he had been attuned to level 1, he liked to sit next to people and would often just casually put his paws on their feet. A few clients who came to my home clinic would ask for him to stay in the room as they enjoyed his company.
Looking back at the photos, it was possible to see a rapid decline as the diabetes, although well controlled, impacted on him.
First his eyesight began to go, but being a quick learner ( & as long as we
didn’t move any furniture) he was able to get around quite well.
The stairs were a problem as peripheral neuropathy affected his hind legs, but he adapted well to that and learned to come up the stairs backwards…. feeling further up his legs to find the stairs.

Gradually he moved his bed from laundry downstairs to upstairs in the lounge (& many nights on the lounge suite) until in recent months he moved into my home office which was closer to the front door, which suited us all as he needed to go outside more frequently during the night….

Last night seemed strange as I returned home…. no dog barking behind the front door or waiting on the front lawn as he had taken to doing. Even if I varied the time I came home, he knew when I was about to arrive, letting other family members know.

Ben didn’t take up much room in the house, but he certainly took up a big space in our hearts.
We will pick up his ashes later next week and plant a rose over them to remind us of him.
Probably a “Blue Moon” .. as a dog like this doesn’t come around very often.

Belonging to the tribe

family, Hypnotherapy, Past Life Regression, Philosophy, psychotherapy

Some people have no problem eliminating their “blood” family from their lives, but at what cost long term? 
 Often family members will perceive a slight or may not be privy to the whole story and so an inter-generational rift begins. 
 It may have started over a family event, such as a wedding where a child of separated parents expects more financial support than one parent can offer, or a forgotten present for  a grandchild or even neglecting to invite partners of cousins to milestone celebrations. 
The list could go on and as a therapist I have heard many stories about families. Most of the time it comes back to the perception of the event and no two people will be able to recollect an event the same way.
As the story grows stronger through the telling and re-telling over the years, resentment, anger and other negative emotions form many layers like a brittle veneer over the original event. 
Layer upon layer, passed down like a family heirloom, the toxic effects sending tendrils into all sorts of places – other relationships…….until the negativity spreads to cousins, friends of family and causes discomfort whenever the participants meet.
Looking back, is it possible to take the “righteous goggles” off or even take some time to think about what might have been going on in that other person’s life? 
As a hypnotherapist, I know that it is possible and in a session many years down the track, there may be a time when the client is able to have a conversation that resolves how they feel about the original issue. 
Sure, the other person may not be there, they may be long gone or dust,  but the energy changes and on a different level there is some resolution. 
For many people the ones you call your own may not all be “blood”, but it’s your choices that ensure, for the most time, they are loyal, honest, loving people. Surrounding yourself with like minded people is healthy, but it is also healthy to understand that for true growth, you are able to accept opinions other than your own, accept well meant criticism, accept observations and be able to forgive when someone is a little more opinionated than you prefer.
There is a popular saying  “you can’t choose your family but you can choose your friends”. Again, from a Hypnotherapist’s viewpoint. and one trained in Past Life Regression – this is not so. If you are familiar with the philosophy, the child’s soul will have chosen to incarnate into this family to learn lessons from the dynamics of this current lifetime in order to mature on a soul level. 
There is always a choice, conscious or subconscious, as to who gets to stay as your family.