Category Archives: Coaching

Trust

Coaching, conversation, Emotional baggage, Energy, friendship, lessons learned, Philosophy, toxicity


Trust is like an egg and it’s not like an egg.

If you want to break an egg you have to do it from the outside. 
The only way to break up a trust is from the inside.
O. Henry

Agaricus Muscaris – Beautiful but deadly…..the toxins in this toadstool act on the brain, producing vertigo and delirium …. with the symptoms developing after a period of 12 – 14 hours. There is no antidote and the end result is total paralysis.
Homeopathically, it can be used for neuralgia, vertigo and some skin conditions. In the homeopathic preparation, it is not toxic when used appropriately. The poison resembles that of the rattlesnake and acts on the red blood corpuscles……..Trust as I’d trust a rattlesnake —Anon
There is a restlessness from violent itching and on falling asleep will start and twitch, waking often. ……

Walking away from a conversation several months back, I had the feeling that I shouldn’t have shared a personal comment. I don’t sleep well at the best of times and often the subconscious mind will take a while to process.  Head … awhirl with doubts like a sky full of starlings — George Garrett …..and I will often find myself awake in the early hours of the morning, sitting bolt upright with an idea or a revelation. 
I had a niggling feeling that the conversation would be repeated, but decided to give the person the benefit of doubt. 
In coaching, there is an exercise that is useful in deciding if a relationship is open and honest. So I asked myself the following questions:

  • How comfortable am I with this person now?
  • Am I able to express myself freely with this person in the future?
  • Will I avoid talking about certain subjects or situations with this person
  • Am I lying to this person, by hiding the truth?
  • Does this person ever avoid talking about similar things with me?

No more to be trusted (with news) than a cat with a saucer of milk —Christopher Isherwood …..another social situation and a different person in the social group makes an interesting, but off-topic comment……didn’t think much of it at the time……. but a week or so later, the penny dropped. The trust that I placed in my “friend” was misplaced….. A secret in his [the gossip’s] mouth is like a wild bird put into a cage; whose door no sooner opens, but it is out —Ben Jonson
So, with this person I will become like the echidna who curls up into a ball, so that the soft underbelly is protected by spikes, until the threat is past. I will carefully choose my words in her company. I no longer feel comfortable in her company, as I will be avoiding divulging anything personal or emotional. I will form my conversation around questions about her, not to share the elicited answers but to engage her in conversation about herself and fill the time.

 Friendship is like a butterfly’s wing, once it’s torn it may never fly again 
– Anon

 

  

Mapping Your Resources

Coaching, Education, Hypnotherapy, Life balance, Philosophy, , , , , , , , , , , ,

possibilityCreating your own treasure map is possible…. When you map the resources you have and identify what you need, then you are better equipped to start your journey.

Have recently completed a course to become a Professional Supervisor, I came across a great exercise in the textbook we had to read and have used it in some sessions I have already taken.

You need a large sheet of paper and lots of coloured pens or textas. If you feel so inclined, you could also have on hand some old magazines, scissors and glue – to create a collage – very similar to vision boarding.

In the centre, draw a representation of yourself – it can be a symbol or a picture but make it large enough so that you can draw or write symbols/diagrams or words that represent your INNER resources. If there is no room, that’s fine – just attach them to the original drawing.

Next, think about all the things, people, events that support and sustain you, yet are external to you. Place them around the symbol/picture of yourself.

  • Are they near or far,
  • evenly spaced or grouped,
  • are the links strong or weak?
  • What is missing?
  • Do they lift  you up or weigh you down?

Use as much colour and texture as you feel necessary.

Take completely different colour and draw symbols or pictures of things that BLOCK you, or are in the way to fulfilling your dreams.

It could be FEAR – when it comes down to it, we all have fears and the three most basic fears are:

  • Fear of not being loved
  • Fear of not being good enough
  • Fear of not belonging

and these are what hold us back.  Fear of not being good enough can lead to a fear of failure and yes, even fear of success. Strange but true! Many people have a fear of success, because they think that in being successful they may lose friends and therefore no longer “belong”.

The object of identifying the fears and the resources both within and around us it to allow us to work on building new and stronger resources. We have a choice – we can “feel the fear and do it anyway”  (as Susan Jeffers so succinctly put it in her book) or we can choose to feel the opposite…. appreciation. I wonder what feels better!!

Going back to your resource map … what treasures have you discovered?

What tools, people or things do you appreciate for having got you to where you are now?

What do you need to move forward?

Is your inner compass set right to get you to your destiny?

Well, you are the mapmaker in this case… so look to your inner resources and review them. Cast your eye over your external resources and blocks and decide what to keep and what to change. Dig deep enough in the centre and you will find gold.

Balance

Coaching, Life balance, Philosophy, , , , ,

boldnessWe seek to balance our lives on a daily basis. Work – Life balance can be tricky to manage.

But what if the very balance we are seeking is holding us back?

If you think about a bicycle, the balance you need to ride it, is what enables you to move forward. Imagine if you find your inner balance.  Now seek out your unique strengths that you can use to  take your life to the next level. Will you use that strength to move forward or remain balanced and motionless?

We all have a choice about the emotions we feel, the decisions we make, and these choices or decisions lead us  to the way that we live our lives. The journey is different for each person, but there is a key…. and that key is focus.

Rather than focussing on what you DON’T want or what you think you SHOULD  do …..focus on your passion, something that challenges you to move towards success. Life will be everything that you expect it to be…..it can be an adventure or tough. Your beliefs shape how you life your life and colour your perceptions. Your emotions and beliefs will attract to you what you experience.

What are you choosing to experience?

Are you choosing depression, overwhelm, self-pity or joy, exuberance or happiness?

When you are aware of what emotions or beliefs that you are experiencing, you can choose either resourcefully or unresourcefully. Notice how you hold your body, decide whether you want to continue feeling this way or not.

It’s your choice……

What’s your baggage?

Coaching, Emotional baggage, Philosophy, Transformation

We all have baggage.
Some have a little and some have a lot.
Some baggage is more easily put down and left behind than others. 
I get curious about types of baggage and what purpose it serves the person carrying it.

Is the baggage a backpack?
Is it light or heavy?
Can it be easily removed?
Does it feel like there is someone putting stuff in and making it heavier while you are moving to your destination?

Is the baggage a suitcase?
What’s inside? Is it full of things that “might come in handy” or familiar, comfortable objects?
Does it feel like it’s making your arms or hands ache?

One of my favourite films, “Up in the Air” uses the metaphor of baggage really effectively.
So how easy is it to unpack the baggage and only take what is necessary for the journey and are you willing to let go and let someone else take the weight from you – even if for a short time?

The familiar or comfortable things need to be looked at first.
Familiarity doesn’t mean that it serves you now.
 Familiar could be an unhelpful habit or attitude that has outstayed its welcome.
Moving it on or leaving it behind can either be a joyful or gut wrenching occasion. It all depends on your perspective.
The comfortable may no longer be of use either.
Who hasn’t had that dearly loved pair of shoes or an item of clothing that is comfortable but has definately got that scuffed and tatty look or frayed at the seams………
Sometimes it takes another person, often a friend or family member, even a coach or counsellor to help us to see that it is time to make a change.
Having made a change, it is all too easy to slip back into previous habits, reach out to do the “same old, same old”, but looking at new options can be exciting and life changing.

Transformation

Chiropractic, Coaching, Education, Transformation
“Transformation is a gradual process.
Look back and see how many changes have occurred, and thank yourself for all the steps you have taken. 
Now may be time for a giant leap of faith, or you may be ready for a journey into the unknown.  
Let go of the past, be free to move on.
Renewal of strength and revitalization is upon you. 
Call upon your heart energy to see you through your transformation.”

Treasures from Tikashi

A couple of weeks since the last posting, but the energy exploration has continued with interesting outcomes.

February 9th was the anniversary of my “cardiac event” and on the 13th, the cardiologist gave me the all clear in regard to the surgery having sorted the arrhythmia.
All good!!
Time to start the renovations!
On the 10th I discovered that the knowledge papers for the course I was doing were due in at the end of January, not September as I had thought. For a brief moment, I thought of giving up, a horrible sinking feeling in my core.
Then I reflected back on what I have achieved in the last 3 years and if I do say so myself, I have done pretty well. A Diploma in Clinical Hypnotherapy, 3 Cert 4’s – Training and Assessment, Coaching, Business, starting a business that is congruent with my values and studying for a Diploma in Coaching.

After a phone call to Student Support, and still feeling dreadful, miserable & contracted within, they told  me that if I could get the papers in by the end of February, all would be OK. Overwhelm for  a moment and again the thought to give up. Change the energy of the thoughts and reframe and see the positive in finishing what I started.
A deep breath – review what I have done and discover that there really isn’t much to finish off and I make a plan and decide to get it all done. A few more moments of procrastination and frustration at the syntax of some of the questions – but finally the 5 papers are finished and all posted by the 23rd! Coffee with a fellow student from the same intake who encouraged and inspired me to finish, then off to the Post Office – Registered mail – let go of outcome and get on with life!!

Backtrack to the middle of the month and part of the renovation and release was to experience a couple of Network Chiropractic sessions.

The first session was one to one and I found it really helpful as it enabled me to let go of the tensions around the heart area from the event and the surgery.
The second session was a disaster. Three others in the room and a crying baby and the chiropractor kept asking if I felt the energy when he was working on someone else. Unfortunately – no! I reckon I am reasonably in tune with feeling energy, but this setting didn’t work for me.
Didn’t feel anything much, except a sore back from lying face down and the thought of repeating the process twice weekly didn’t feel right at all. I came away from the session feeling drained and very unsettled as felt that I had absorbed other peoples “stuff”.

A massage later in the week helped to relieve the back tension and the therapist commented on the amount of heat that I had in my back!
The year of energy exploration continues………………

Beginnings & endings

Coaching
“The time has come,” the Walrus said, “to talk of many things”…………..
“But wait a bit” the Oysters cried, “before we have our chat; for some of us are out of breath and all of us are fat!”
This has been a week to catch my breath and I have been given a wonderful opportunity to review so many things, for which I am very grateful. Whilst thinking about gratitude, a few key people come to mind.
New friends in particular and I am touched by their generosity of spirit after having been through some difficult times.
The past few years have been a turning point and having made the decision to leave the formal education system at the end of 2010 and strike out on my own has been a decision that I have not regretted even though there have been some personal challenges in the first part of this year.
As the advertisements for the Northern Territory (one of my favourite destinations) says – ” You’ll never, never know if you never, never go”.  And this year has been all about that – exploration.
A pro-bono coaching contact has turned into a joint venture exploration of the soul and workshops for like minded people.
New networks have been formed with some amazing women, who are all on their own journeys and all at different stages.
There is an abundance of giving and sharing which has contrasted sharply with some of my previous experiences in schools.
Such a rich and varied group of talented people have crossed my path since letting go of trying to conform to the education system and not be the person I really am. I am slipping that “Japanese mask” off, and  like a chrysalis shedding its case and emerging as a butterfly, once the wings dry, I look forward to flying……
In the process of letting go and learning new ways, some old friends have disappeared & that’s OK.
There is a wonderful poem about having people in your life for a
Reason, Season, or Lifetime

People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. When you figure out which one it is, you will know what to do for each person.
When someone is in your life for a REASON,
it is usually to meet a need you have expressed.
They have come to assist you through a difficulty;
to provide you with guidance and support; to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually.
They may seem like a godsend, and they are.
They are there for the reason you need them to be.
Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.
Sometimes they die. 
Sometimes they walk away.
Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.
What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done.
The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.

Some people come into your life for a SEASON,
because your turn has come to share, grow or learn.
They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.
They may teach you something you have never done.
They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.
Believe it. It is real. But only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons;
things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation.
Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person, and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.
It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.
— Unknown

This last week has been one of intense review.
I have to say quite bluntly that I was scared.
Fear in bigger than capital letters screamed from every pore and cell of my body.
Scheduled to have a cardiac ablation, I was close to cancelling the procedure several times. The cardiologist I had seen weeks ago, had referred me on to another one and feelings of being abandoned came up. The symptoms persisted as I continued to battle with trust issues as well.
The day of the procedure was like a textbook glossary of stress symptoms.  All the symptoms were there – dry mouth, stomach in a knot, digestive issues…..all well known as this is the basis of my talks! Ha! living it now!! Being last on the list didn’t help much either. Eventually the anaethetist came for a chat and to administer pre-op relaxants. At this stage, I had pretty much convinced myself that I had worked myself up into a ‘state’ and it was all in the mind, panic attacks or anxiety and I could have been at home…..

The cardiologist arrived and explained the procedure and I handed over my heart to this magician and went to sleep…… I had some great dreams on the way back, but forgot them when they told me that they had found some rogue circuits and sorted them out.
So how to reframe all of this?
Plenty of time to think about it in the four hours when I had to lie perfectly still after coming back to consciousness.
What an opportunity to start a new and positive chapter!
Literally take the ablation of the heart as a burning out of old patterns and resentments and put all that no longer serves – aside – permanently.
It is a new season and some things or people will be here and some will not. It is a time to let unhelpful pathways grow over and regenerate, and in particular let the old wounds and resentments be healed by cauterization.
Above all, it is important to use this time to nurture body and soul so that I can continue my journey in the company of some truly beautiful people.
To those who have supported me, heartfelt thanks.
For some others, thankyou for the season that we have spent together and for a few, thankyou for the reason that we connected, acknowledge the gifts we exchanged between our souls and realize that it is time to move on.

Save