Category Archives: balance

Which path will you take?

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You may be familiar with the metaphor of the fork in the road or crossroads, where a decision has to be made.

For most people the decision is easy and they choose the path most familiar and they will continue to get the same results as they are already getting. This familiarity provides certainty and in their minds is the safest option. As they travel, they tick off the familiar landmarks along the path and know when they will arrive at their destination and what to expect when they get there.

Yet for those who choose that other, sometimes risky path are open to adventure and a journey of a lifetime. Extraordinary results lie like gems scattered at the edges of this new path. It is not worn by the heavy footsteps of those who choose the other path.

Those who traverse this path need a different mindset and will need to rely on other senses to navigate it. This path will test you to know deep inside what you are capable of and to explore what you stand for and what qualities within you that you want to cultivate and develop.

Occasionally you may want to glance back at where you came from and that will show you how far you have travelled. As L P Hartley wrote in The Go-Between… “The past is a foreign country, they do things differently there”.

Travelling along the other path will necessitate change within and as such you will be a different person, richer for the experiences as you continue this journey. Those who choose the familiar path may no longer understand you.  Another saying you may be familiar with is “Success is a journey, not the destination”, but it’s often the change of scenery and companions that provides the impetus to transformation.  A map is handy, as is some idea of where you want to go and it is important to have a current map or reliable GPS to refer to if needed… Once you have decided on the destination you can let go of that and focus on the means to enrich the journey to get there.

Letters I’ve written

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Or should that be posts that I’ve written…. never meaning to send………
.. with apologies to the Moody Blues. This song came out way back, I had just moved to Melbourne for the first time (& yes, for a boy…maybe one day I will write about that).
Whenever I can catch some spare time from the clinic – usually when a client has rescheduled – I make an effort to sit down and write a few blog posts that I can post at a later date.

It’s interesting as I peruse the entries that I thought were pertinent….. so many of them no longer hold any meaning and don’t get posted. This document is like a journal, partly relating to my business persona and partly relating to events in my personal life. So often it is the writing down that leads to the catharsis and I believe it is important to leave some time and space before posting.
Just recently I’ve gone to post the next entry and hesitated…. I haven’t deleted the entry, because it was relevant at that time, but time and space has given me the wisdom to take into account whether it was a whinge or helpful to someone else.

“Beauty I’d always missed
With these eyes before,
Just what the truth is
I can’t say anymore.”

The beauty of doing this is that it is a reflection of my emotions at the time. Re-reading at a later date allows me to calibrate and look within to see if I have reacted to the situation or have applied the emotional intelligence techniques I seek to help others with.
Am I wise? Am I telling the truth?
We each have our own truth and expressing it to others may not be palatable to the recipient.

I have someone in my life who has written many letters, most probably on the advice of their therapist, and sent them….resulting in hurt and fracturing relationships. My advice is if you are to write these letters, do so and then burn them…..symbolically releasing the energy contained within to the Universe and thus letting go and letting a higher power (insert whichever deity you believe in here) take care of it for you. There have been several occasions recently when I have held my breath, waiting for a letter from this person after things didn’t go as they had planned. To tell the truth, I was a little disappointed that I didn’t get one as I was looking forward to composing a reply and thus stepping out of Emotional Intelligence.

There are other times where I may write about a something that was profound and on looking back at that moment realizing that I captured a moment of beauty….of realization ….that has led to an insight that I missed at the moment of writing. Like a sunrise or sunset, nothing stays the same…. Change is inevitable and these transitions can create amazing shifts in our consciousness. It’s all about letting go…..

Inspiration

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Breathe……

…. the inward breath or inspiration is what draws the oxygen deep into your body.

Inspiration is also the ability to take that breath and see it as a spark of the divine within you as you light a fire within your soul.

Allow the flow of inspiration to help you create magic. As you allow this inspiration to flow, allow more love and light into your essential being and breathe new life into your  dreams and desires.

When encountering obstacles or difficulties along the way, remember to breathe…. Taking a deep belly breath in to fill the lungs and exhale the stale, used air.

Breathing deeply and with mindfulness will help to take the oxygen to the brain and help you to think more clearly.  Take a deep breath in and hold, then let go. There are several breathing patterns and techniques  that you can explore, but the one that is most comfortable is the one that will benefit you the greatest. As you breathe in and hold; for a moment take your mind to your staying power, your tenacity and think about any challenges that you have overcome.

Exhale and let go .. of fear; of limitations and feel yourself become lighter. Nurture yourself with the regular practice of breath centred meditation. This is like using the oxygen mask for yourself before others.

As you practice this, you will replenish your  energy. When you care for your own body and soul, then there is space to reach out and nurture and inspire others.

Simplicity

balance, friendship,

It’s always good to be reminded of the KISS (keep it simple sweetheart) principle.

Too often, when presented with a problem, we default to overthinking, resulting in a mindstorm of “what ifs” and making mountains out of molehills.

So how to simplify?

It may be that you need not only to de-clutter your mind, but your surroundings as well.  What are you holding onto metaphorically that is no longer needed?

I recently had a bit of a tidy up and discovered a box under the house that had been unopened since moving in some 15 years ago. It contained four years of university notes and other items that I obviously thought important enough to save all those years ago. Apart from a couple of things, like the outline for the thesis I never started, the mountain of paper grew and filled the recycle bin. Other things that I retained were some letters from family and friends.

Meeting up with friends on Australia Day reminded me that true friendship is a simple, enduring affection that can be picked up and resumed without needing to explain anything. Life can be challenging and unpredictable at times and unconditional acceptance by friends helps to overcome adversity.

Simplicity offers us freedom…. It’s about not being concerned or attached to what others think about us and having the wisdom to live our lives in a way that lets us follow our hearts and dreams, yet being mindful as we go along our way.

It takes courage to simplify.

By divesting yourself of the things and thoughts that keep you imprisoned, you can open the door to a more creative and simple life.

Respect

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Respect is another of those words that has many different layers.

It can mean a regard for the rights of others, a feeling of admiration for certain qualities in another, a reverence for living things or it can be a kind of a social code or responsibility to act in a certain way.

We can also have respect for ourselves and this is shown by our emotional, spiritual and physical responses.  Emotional respect is about honouring yourself and other living beings. Included in this is the respect we show to others by not gossiping or saying untrue things about others.

But what is Truth?

Often based on our own perception, it can be skewed by ego and illusion and occasionally when we “speak our truth”, it is not the truth of the intended recipient and an emotional hurt occurs.

The Reiki precepts

Just for Today
Do not Anger
Do not Worry
Be Humble
Be Honest in your Work
Be Compassionate to Yourself and Others  teach us respect and compassion and it certainly feels good to be kind and respectful to ourselves.  

Spiritual respect is more about a quiet reverence for all that the Universe provides and our connection to whatever higher power or divinity that we pay attention to.

Physical respect is about our stance, how we hold our bodies and how we wear our clothes.  It’s also about respecting and establishing clear boundaries and not getting into other peoples personal space.

Issues

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We all, at some time or another, have issues.

It is our choice as to how we act or react.

If we have come from a fear or control based childhood our responses are likely to be different from someone who has come from an emotionally intelligent background.

By overcomplicating things, we can often exacerbate an issue…..  who hasn’t heard of the saying “making mountains out of molehills” ?

By learning some simple emotional intelligence strategies, we can escape the return to “default” and exercise choice in our responses. These strategies will give you the courage to identify fears or issues and by facing them, you will resolve them. For example if you have an issue with conflict, then a useful strategy is to become aware of different perspectives. Ask yourself “What alternatives and opinions can be considered instead of sticking rigidly to this perspective?”

Perception

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serviceA very curious thing happened at a networking function the other evening, which relates to the title of this post.

Food had been prepared and the caterer was busy pouring drinks for the attendees, so as a committee member, I volunteered to help with the serving of the food.

Armed with platter and serviettes, I started to wander around the room, lending a helping hand.  Approaching a couple of groups of people, food was offered and I attempted to start a conversation. Quizzical looks….food was selected and conversation stopped…..This happened a couple of times and then I realized….. I was being perceived as wait staff and the expected behaviour is that wait staff don’t engage in conversation with attendees at functions!

waitstaffAs an observer of behaviour, I found this mildly amusing and decided to test by going around without a platter of food. This time I was able to engage in several conversations!

Reflecting on the experience, I began to wonder about the subconscious expectation we have about people in different roles and to use a biblical phrase “about having a servant’s heart” and how it can be applied in business.  It’s about seeing that a task needs to be done and stepping up to do it with no strings attached.

But it is also about perception… there have been reality TV shows based on just that…. where the CEO dresses casually or a little bit scruffily and wanders around his or her business to observe what is going on. Many “action” movies have the villains move about in the guise of waitstaff…. they are “invisible” as they serve.

In your daily life, have you thought about your subconscious responses to people who       serve you? We all expect good service when out for a coffee or a meal, but consider the energetic exchange when you expand your awareness to include the person serving and I am sure that it will be reciprocated.

Behaviour and Brain Function

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Just over 10 years ago, I gave a presentation at the Melbourne Regional Conference for MYSA. I had returned to teaching after some time working for a private company that had developed an exercise based program for people with learning difficulties.

It was interesting to be on the other side of the teacher’s desk, listening to the frustrations of both parents and young people and to see the positive changes that they made with the program. In the past, many of these young people (and their parents) may have been students who had undiagnosed learning difficulties and were often the ones most likely to be sent to the principal’s office with “behavioural issues”.

The presentation was titled The Physiological Aspects of Brain Function and Behaviour in the Classroom. I enlisted the help of a couple of teacher friends who had also done some work with alternative therapies and were ready to help me make this an interactive presentation and push some boundaries. The room was set up with 8 to a table and the obligatory conference mints were in good supply as was a selection of brightly coloured balloons.

All started quite normally…..

Firstly I identified some common classroom behaviours and asked the audience to then consider if they had students that exhibited them. Many responded in the affirmative. I then asked them to reflect on the idea that a physiological reason for these behaviours.

Did anyone have students that constantly tipped their chairs? Once more hands were raised. The student is most likely to be doing this to stimulate the Vestibular system.

What about students that slouched in their chair or over the desk? Yet again the audience indicated with a show of hands that they had students like this. The slouching is a stimulus for both the Vestibular and somatosensory systems and in addition, the student may have poor core muscle tone.

For the student who reads better when lying down (think of the Primary School reading corner with bean bags), they are stimulating the somatosensory system by having more touch receptors engaged.

At this point, one of my friends began to tip on her chair, just often enough to visibly irritate some of the people sitting near her. I asked the audience for feedback on how they would deal with such behaviours and most indicated that for safety reasons, they would ask the student to cease the behaviour, and in some cases would issue a detention notice for bad behaviour. I then shared with the audience that I carried a “wobble board” into my classroom and students who had exhibited such behaviour were encouraged to stand on it for a minute or so when they felt the need to tip their chairs.

Students who wander around  the classroom are needing to stimulate their vestibular, oculomotor and proprioceptive systems. This was the signal for my other friend to get up and start wandering around. She circled the tables and took mints from one table and gave them to someone sitting at another…. I “ignored” her and carried on….

When a student is easily distracted by movement or sound, it is likely that they have a hyper sensitive oculomotor or vestibular system. For those who constantly tap a pencil or a foot or leg, it is possible that they are stimulating their somatosensory system.

And what about those scruffy uniforms? Rather than handing out slips for uniform infringements, consider a hyper sensitive somatosensory system. Tags at the back of the neck, ties undone…all uncomfortable stimulants for a sensitive student.

Since giving the paper, there has been a greater awareness of students on the Autism Spectrum. One of the key characteristics is lack of eye contact, and forcing eye contact may cause distress as it overloads sensory perception. These students can process much better if they are not forced to interpret facial gestures and social cues. Lack of eye contact can also be associated with some cultural traditions and is something to be aware of.

The vestibular system is extremely important. It filters most motor responses to the brain and the oculomotor system is linked to it. Studies by Harold N Levinson & Barbara Phelong, discuss the importance of inner ear function and learning and further studies by the University of Melbourne have discovered that frequent ear infections impact on the student’s acquisition of language.

So what to do about these behaviours, now that it is probable that they are a result of physiology rather than “being naughty”?

For excessive movement, can you find an excuse for the student to go to the office or library?  Give a time frame for the errand and discuss this option with the relevant staff, so that they know to expect the student.  Encourage the student to do as much sport as possible, including trampolining, tae kwon do or tennis. Students with this issue will often seek out or prefer to engage in non team activities.

For the chair tipper, it is suggested that parents invest in a fit ball for the student to use when on the computer or watching TV.

The easily distracted student may be dehydrated, overtired or hungry. There may be issues at home that are taking their attention away from the learning environment.

Check that the lighting is working well. Often the flickering of a fluorescent light, and what is imperceptible to many is a nightmare or very distracting for someone with oculomotor sensitivity. Similarly an overload of external visual stimuli can be very distracting and recent studies have shown that “less is more” in the way of posters and the like in the classroom.  If the student is easily distracted by sound, then create a quiet space for them to work in. Headphones plugged into some music that is playing at a low volume will help them to focus on their work.

To further encourage more focus during class time and in conjunction with the understanding of the possible physiological causes of the behaviour, include rewarding non disruptive behaviours on the marking sheet (rubrics) for assignments. This is a bonus for students who are always on task!

And you might be wondering about those balloons… each one on the table was a different colour and shape. Some were easy to blow up and others a little harder. Some took quite a bit of persistence and I’m sad to say that some participants didn’t try at all….

Anticipation

Abundance, balance, Positive, , , ,

Support for women in small or microbusinesses to help them identify their strenths

Right on the cusp of the Winter Solstice, there is not a lot of sunshine around in the southern most part of Australia. The soft, mist like rain soaking into the ground means that the soil will retain the moisture longer and there is an anticipation of lush new growth.

The spring bulbs have already pushed forth their leaves and a few “early birds” have blossomed. These bulbs have no expectations except to blossom.  The jonquil never expects to become a rose, yet within the core of its bulb it has the knowledge and wisdom of when to begin sprouting from its dormancy.  It doesn’t waste time worrying about the bulb next to it…. whether it is a hyacinth or a tulip or even onion weed… it just gets on with what it has to do and turns its face up to the sunshine when it flowers.

Yet some bulbs do better than others. They have the support of fertile, watered soil, adequate sunshine and good nutrients. Others may find themselves in a crowded position and could do with the support of a gentle gardener to place them in a less crowded place once in a while. Still others may find themselves overshadowed by a stronger shrub or bush and yet they still manage to put forth its leaves, even if this season they haven’t quite got the right conditions to flower.

And so it is, when starting out in your own business…..  There is an anticipation, a feeling of excitement as you begin your journey.  There is a delicate balance between anticipation and anxiety …. anticipation will allow you to let go of some of your expectations whilst anxiety binds you to them.  Wisdom is knowing  which is which.

Choose to be free of self imposed limitations by walking your talk and making wise decisions ……if you are having difficulty doing this look for support….you are not a failure if you ask for support and you will become stronger if you do so. The bulb needs the support of fertile soil, adequate water and sunshine, so too for you!

Are you in a crowded marketplace and need to move to more fertile soil?

Are you overshadowed by doubt or overpowered by others ?

You do have more control over your decisions than the bulb does. Acknowledge your personal power and reflect on your completeness. It may seem like hard work as you tend to your needs but the support of a coach or mentor will most often guide you to the path to your future.  Be open with them, they are not there to judge you, just as the rose does not judge the jonquil.  Check in with your feelings… if you are truly open to accepting support, then you will find that you are not defensive and effective communication will flow just like the winter creeks and rivers.

Take a moment to step out  of your own shadow and walk tall into the sunshine!

Spring Reflections

balance, Coaching, , ,

Trials are but lessons that you failed to learn presented once again, so where you made a faulty choice before you can now make a better one, and thus escape all pain that what you chose before has brought to you.

A Course in Miracles

How often do you audit your work life balance?

In business, one is encouraged to come up with  a plan which should be regularly reviewed …at least every 90 days. Achievable goals should be set and if they are not met , it’s OK to revise and tweak them so that a good outcome can be achieved. A good business plan will cover many areas, such as sales, marketing, networking and more. As the business evolves, so too does its needs. There is an ebb and flow of priorities in different areas.

For our personal lives too, we need to set goals so that we don’t just aimlessly drift into the sunset of dreams never fulfilled.  We may set a goal that  seems realistic at the time. Even setting what one networking person described to me as “a great big hairy audacious goal”.

All this is good,  but life will sometimes throw us a curve ball when we least expect it. The lessons to be learned when this happens are invaluable when we stop to reflect. Too much focus on a particular area will result in an imbalance in other areas unless we are diligent in maintaining a healthy work life balance. Many will be familiar with The Wheel of Life tool which is at the bottom of this post.

It’s important to have a positive mindset about any setbacks and ask ourselves the following questions.

  • What can I learn from this?
  • What could I do better next time?
  • What resources do I need to achieve the outcome I desire?
  • What goals do I need to set to achieve my outcome or vision?

Wheel of Life exercise